Posted in primrose saddle

I Committed Suicide

I will tell you something that I am afraid to admit even to myself – I am a cheater.

Yes, I cheated on someone. And it troubles me everytime I think about it. It’s awful and I feel ashamed of myself that I did that to someone I truly love.

I regret it, all of it. Maybe it entertained me for a day or two but the ghost of my action haunts me all the time. I lost a lot of things including my self-respect and the trust of my love. We would always fight about it or seriously anything that may seem suspicious. We hurt each other with words. And it tears my heart apart to have turned my love into somebody who thinks less of me.

I could not possibly elaborate how much pain I feel inside everytime we fight. But the hurt my heart feels transcends through my body. I can’t concentrate. My heart pumps so fast that blood rushes to my head. Then I start thinking about all the bad things that may happen. My brain starts to ache. I can’t breathe. My fingers tremble and so as my toes that I can’t stay in one place. It’s torture. All I am thinking then is that I CANNOT LOSE MY LOVE.

My guilt is always there. It’s that one thing that tells me I deserve all the hurt I feel because what I did is unacceptable to anyone. I deserve being interrogated and questioned. And it’s okay. I accept that. I can live with that. What I can’t take is how I hurt my love still even after I said I changed. I lost the foundation of any relationship – TRUST.

I cannot say anything more, just don’t cheat on anybody in anyway. If you think you’ll hurt someone, it will hurt you more in return. It’s a trap, it’s a suicide. Don’t be like me.

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Author:

A girl who's zodiac sign is Cancer, and has a rainbow-colored tail. She does not believe in magic but miracles.

4 thoughts on “I Committed Suicide

  1. i don’t know what you did in your relationship but as a person i want to advice you Don’t think like this . Misunderstandings and arguments are bound to happen in any friendship or relationship. they are like challenges.The credit does not lies in blaming others or yourself for things that didn’t go right but in overcoming them and bringing back that trust.
    it’s never the end of the world my friend 🙂 so cheer up

  2. its ok i feel happy i could make some one happy today. You know i too have had the same experience. i know how the pain feels like but there is always a way to overcome those miserable moments. There is always a turning point in life. God bless you too and wish you good luck 🙂

  3. You are so kind and has positive vibe! I like that. Wishing you more happiness in your life too! 🙂

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