Posted in charles dickens

The People on Your Funeral

Dave is the type of person that everyone loves. He’s good with talking and talking himself out of trouble. He’s friends with everybody, he could just fit in to any kind of group. Though he’s a people person he sometimes feel alone. But he never shows it, he always has a smiling face and a great story to share.

He’s the funny one. He’s the clown of the crowd. Even if the joke is on him, he’s foolish enough to make fun of himself and carry on. You can never feel dull and bored when Dave is present. He’s also a sweet guy. He’s the friend who would randomly texts morning greetings and hugs you when it’s been a week since you last saw each other. When you need someone to lean on, Dave will be there. He listens to you then talk afterwards to slap you with the truth and then you’ll be fine afterwards. More than his great advices, he is comfort. He is fair and goes with what is right, for the benefit of yourself. He is never selfish, he gives even the last gulp on his favorite drink.

Yesterday, Dave took his own life. It was a shock. Dave is always there for everyone else, but no one is there for him. Once he said, “Now I know why some people say it’s hard to be the cream of the group.” And we just laughed because he said the wrong quote and though it makes sense, we also laughed on how sick and true its meaning is. I now understand what he means. But it’s too late. He’s been a good friend to me but I was never a friend to him. And it feels like I’m the one who gave him pills he overdosed with. I’m his secret killer.

Don’t kill your Dave. Friends are special, they are the family you chose and the blessing you accepted. I know you have a lot of friends, but are you a friend to them? Maybe this time is the right moment for checking and reviewing back on your relationships. Maybe you’ve lost some, why not reconnect with them. Post something nice on their facebook wall or surprise them with a cupcake later at school. And if you have the best of friends in your life right now, never lose them. Never let them feel taken for granted. Listen to their sentiments and give time to them. Invite them over tonight for pizza, ice cream and a 2008 movie.

We all have different kinds of friends. Some friends from high school, from work or from our neighborhood. There are ones we love and ones we hated a bit. But no matter how the table turned, there is a time you needed them and been happy with one another. It is just right to check up on them once a while and remember them. Nurture your friends. They are the extensions of what you were, what you are now and what you could be in the future.

Never lose your Dave’s, your Mary’s or your Harry’s or whatever their name is. Unless you don’t want anybody on your funeral.

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Posted in walt disney

My Dress Made From Shame

I was watching an animated film last night to calm my mood . There was a part when three kids were put into a box by their guardian for not targeting their quotas for selling cookies. Apparently it is called “The Box of Shame”.

I have that box myself. It is filled with misjudgments, wrong decisions and bad luck. Life as we know it, is never a friendly game. Sometimes I win, most times I lose but it was never a draw. Nevertheless, I am not ashamed with my “The Box of Shame”. Quite ironic, yes. But that is how it should be.

The worst things could always happen. It is inevitable. But all these is just in the matter of perspective. Your victory is not measured by how people think, but how you feel about yourself. Perspective. You can always frown and drop off happiness, but there’s always another day to start anew. Perspective. You may lose someone you love, but there’s still someone out there much suited for you. Perspective.

I have my share of shameful acts. It could be because of my attitude and behaviour or someone else’s that have affected me in a way. However they went in the box, I accept it. I claim it, in fact. I would stay in the box for a while but eventually get out of it, wearing them all like a beautiful dress. Because it is okay to be shameful sometimes but it is not okay to tolerate them. Instead, it should be a lesson for the next time and won’t repeat them. Wear it with pride because you’ve get through with them and at the end, you learned. What doesn’t kill you don’t just make you stronger it also make you more beautiful.

Posted in primrose saddle

Letter For You

Dear You,

First of all, I want to introduce myself. My name is Sophia and I am a friend you never met.

Let me tell you a story about some things that happen in my life recently. If you are interested, you can continue reading and if not, just drop this paper and continue doing your routines feeling so regretful of the friendship we could have built. If you’re still following to what I am saying right now, congratulations! You made the right choice.

I am born to live. I love my life, and I am addicted to it. I am good at many things but being free-spirited is what I do best. I abide my own rules. I’ve got wonderful friends and family. I’ve got everything else seem so perfect, yet I still feel empty.

Am I really happy? Are you really happy?

They say you can only know if you’re actually happy if you are alone but you can still manage to smile. But I say happiness is when some things are falling but you are flying.

You may fail a subject, got into a fight with your parents, ignored by a friend or got your heart broken, whatever is that in your life right now, those are just part of a greater destiny that waits for you. You see, it is a matter of perspective. If you’ll concentrate on the negatives there is, indeed your life would be miserable. But if you try to see beyond what your eyes can perceive, you’ll be shocked with life’s surprises.

What if you failed a subject because you need more training or you’re not meant to be on that career? What if your parents get mad because they truly love you? What if you got ignored because you did something wrong in the first place? What if you got your heart broken because you deserve more love? Don’t be blinded with the not-so-nice experiences you have. Let them be the foundation of your life. Remember that the strongest people are those who had greater problems, and get through it.

Well, I am really happy. I am happy despite of the many problems I am facing and problems that are coming. The world may give me all the reasons to be sad but there will always be something that could make me smile. I hope you can see that light in your darkness as well.
Being happy has always been and will always be a choice. So decide to be happy, my friend. And let’s get the best out of our lives.

Your Newest Friend

Posted in primrose saddle

Gloomy Saturday

Today is the first weekend since April that I got to be here in my room alone. I’ve got so many things to do. I have approaching examinations and project deadlines to beat next week. But however long my To Do’s is, I still find it difficult to do anything. My mind says go and start but my body’s acting the opposite. And I really want everything to be done right. I am feeling blue and sick. My eyes burn but dry. My throat is dry too that causes my voice to change. I keep on sniffing and sneezing every now and then. My head hurts hell also. And I am tired, though I slept plenty last night. I started feeling these symptoms yesterday that’s why I bought antibacterial lozenges but they didn’t work. In fact they made me worse. And now here I am lying on my bed feeling nostalgic of the times when my parents used to tuck me in and feed me soup whenever I’m sick.

Good thing I called the love of my life to my rescue. Maybe later I’ll feel a lot more better when I finally got my hugs and kisses. I am so excited and positive I’ll be able to finish my goals. But for now, I’ll just rest some more and play video games. Have a nice weekend!

Posted in walt disney

An Encounter with an Enemy (Under Your Nose)

Anger. It is your worst enemy. It will kill you inside. It is the mother of all the worst things in the world, like revenge and hatred. It is something you wish you never have to dwell with.

Anger is always under your nose. It is just there sniffing into you, waiting for you to notice and trigger it. There are lots of reasons why people get angry. A betrayal of your most trusted best friend, a stranger killed your mother for her purse, or even someone bumping into you when you’re rushing to a big office meeting. Anything at any intensity could easily call out to Anger.

It is alright to be angry at times. Especially when the act that clicked Anger is extremely high. But it is always safe to check on it every now and then. The point is, do not be angry for something small. Because at the end of the line, you would still suffer yourself more than Anger itself.

Believe it or not, Anger is not healthy at any level. When you feel angry towards another person you consume too much energy thinking about how much you hate him or how much you want him dead. Anger will transform you to another person that you are not. It will penetrate into your spirit until it is the one deciding and ruling your life and emotions. The angriest people are the saddest ones. Nothing good comes from being too angry.

Anger will always destroy anything it sets its feet into. May it be a marriage, a friendship or your own self. It is never friendly, but an enemy you should not entertain.

Posted in primrose saddle

It’s Raining Over Me

It’s raining today. But my heart feels warm. My fingertips are freezing and I don’t care. Something has changed in me. I am not that lonely person anymore. Because I just had the lesson I have learned on my 21st birthday.

Happiness is just always on the side waiting to be noticed. One big mistake is to search for it within you and dwell too much about it. Real happiness comes in a surprise. It is not always in you, but mostly from the people around. The least you expect it, the more that it showers.

I have always put too much attention on the things that made me sad that I start to ignore the things that matter the most. I blame myself for feeling bad when the truth is I have people around me that I could share my life with, who love and care about me. And that’s the most important thought, to have someone. And I’m glad to realize it when it is not too late yet.

I would like to thank my good friends for celebrating my birthday with me. It is amazing and fun to be with you guys! I am pleased that it is not only me who enjoys the karaoke but all of us. Thank you for the time and the booze! Also I am with full gratitude for the birthday gifts and birthday cakes. I had plenty and that’s just overwhelming. I can’t say enough, but thank you for remembering.

Thank you to my family who never fails to extend their love even they’re far away. Thank you for staying close at heart and spirit. I love you guys so much.

And to U, I am nothing but speechless of how you surprise me after all these time. Thank you for being the main reason why I had such a bash. I love you from the bottom of my heart. I know I could never pay back everything you did for me and I’d like you to know that I really appreciate it. You are my angel.

I am very happy right now and it just keeps on pouring like the rain outside my window. May this never end, forever.

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Posted in primrose saddle

Slept With Her

I slept and woke up with my mother by my side. It was wonderful. And peaceful even though she snores a little.

I watched her sleep last night, and there I found a child. She used to tell me stories of how she was back then. In a young age she had responsibility to her siblings and mother, given she’s the first born and they lost their father early. She never backed down and accepted the challenge instead. That’s why they love her so much. And in all fairness, she did a great job being the big sister. Her 12 other siblings can testify to that.

My mom married my dad when she was 22. And then I came along right after, which is another baggage to carry. They’re in love and foolish, I say. So they both worked hard for the family. My mom did, very much. She used to work away from home just to help provide for me and her three other children. Up until now she, together with my dad, is still working hard for us.

My mother never had the chance for just her self. Since then, she works not for herself but for her family. And that what makes her my role model. She’s not just that, she is also pretty and very smart. Friends at work always tell me stories of how they adored my mom and I was proud. With no doubt, I certainly want to be like her. I want to be as strong as she is.

I would trade any bed and comfort in the world just to sleep with her again soon.

Posted in charles dickens

The Woman in Pink Sweater

A 40-year old man works in an accounting agency for 10 years now. He is very good at his job that’s why he was promoted as branch manager two years ago. Given this, he is still very unhappy and unsatisfied. He lives alone in his apartment and nobody likes him in the office. He has this particular routine he does everyday. He never misses. Being depressed that he is, he thinks of taking his own life. He feels useless, a breathing-yet-dead-on-the-inside old man.

One Tuesday morning after buying his usual cup of coffee, he walked down the street to the train station. While waiting for the light to say “Go”, he noticed a woman on the other side wearing a pink sweater, a sweater that he has seen before. Something inside him talked and then without even blinking he crossed the street not leaving his eyes off the woman.

A car hit him. And that is the moment of his life, the only moment he could say he lived again.

His whole life flashed before him.

He lost his wife in a car accident five years ago. She was wearing the same sweater the woman on the other side of the street has during that day. She was dead on arrival but he died too, a second after she did.

He lost himself. He never went out again, he never tried doing other things, he never moved on. The first thing he did after he buried his wife was to get rid of all of her things and all the other stuff that would remind him of her. He might have given away all those but the pain remained.

The light. He saw the light right after he got hit by the car while looking at the pink sweater her wife used to wear. He saw something. He saw his inspiration.

All these years he lived under a rock trying to bury himself into the darkness looking for answers to his problems. But who could have ever thought that with just one click his life would change.

Seeing the woman on the sweater reminded him of his wife. But this time he didn’t feel angry or betrayed by God. Because as he was hit, the truth punched him on the face. And he was inspired.

Sometimes we could feel tired from living. We lose focus. But just like the old man, all we need is a little inspiration. We need something to pull us up and push us higher. We ought to have that thing that will urge us to continue, something to have keep us through the day.

Inspiration comes in many forms. I know people who are inspired by their families or their lovers. They work hard to give their needs and wants. I also happen to know some people who are inspired by their enemies. They try to surpass them and prove them wrong. Others however are inspired by their favourite book, movie, personality, politician or even superhero. They would want to copy them in some way.

No matter how great it is to feel inspired, it is still better to be an inspiration to someone, just like the woman in the pink sweater. Being an inspiration is being a blessing. You give someone the thing that they couldn’t give to themselves. You shared with them a secret ingredient for every success story. They say it takes 99% perspiration and only 1% inspiration. It could be true except I can’t quite believe it. Nobody can work hard without something to push him through. It is impossible that a person would do just for himself. There is always a something or a someone behind it, and that is his inspiration. It could be a friend, or a parent, or his dreams and goals. No matter what it is, inspirations come in many boxes and in various sizes.

The old man stayed in the hospital for three weeks. When he was withdrawn, he came back to work and to him self. The woman in pink sweater woke him up. He was risen to start again, to move on, and to find forgiveness.

He marked the day of his accident his new birthday. From then on, he really did start breathing in life again.

Posted in primrose saddle

U is my person

I’ve had my fair share of emotional breakdown and heartbreaks in this blog but this post isn’t one of them. Because today, I am floating in my own happiness.
I decided to use sort of first person point of view in the following paragraphs. Simply because the joy I am feeling is because of the love U is giving me.

Talking about exactly what I feel for U is still impossible. I am taught to always give accurate answer but to the question of how much I love U will never give me one. Maybe that’s why hearts don’t talk, because they can never say the exact words. Inspite of the overflowing love, even hearts get overwhelmed. They just do. So spare me if I am poor with words. I believe they’re cheap. Let me just show and the rest will follow.

But this post isn’t also about hearts and my love for U. But the subject is about U and how U loves me perfectly.

U is the most caring person I know. U always makes me feel the first in everything, the first to text, the first to talk, the first to share thoughts with, the first to kiss, the first to greet in the morning, the first to tuck to sleep, the first to worry about, the first to love. And I can’t blame myself for feeling U’s number one in the list of everything to keep in life.

I’m a blessing in U’s life. I am the only person U could share everything with including things that don’t interest me at all but I listen still. Because whatever is that about, U is sharing a part of the inside with me and it can’t be done with other people except for me. I am the only person U could strongly cry to, not ashamed to shed tears whenever I did something great or sweet or even break heart. We are that comfortable with each other. I am the only person U could be completely honest with. There are hesitations sometimes, afraid to hurt my feelings but it can all turn out fine. U sometimes criticize the way I dress, my grades, how irresponsible I am and how shameful I am at public. The awesome part is the way U says all those negative thoughts and still makes me feel perfect and beautiful. I guess it is one of the reasons why we have such a wonderful relationship because it’s healthy and we’re pulling each other up. And U can’t be like that to anybody else but me.

I am the last person U wants to hurt or even see hurting. U always cheers me up, even with simple things like hugging me till I stop my crying, buying me gifts to spoil me, or just even holding my hand to silently say everything will be fine. I am U’s last love. And I don’t need to say more regarding that. Excpet that it’s a fact and it won’t change forever.

Aside from being proud, I am saying all these not because U told me but because this is how U makes me feel. U makes me feel infinite, free, alive, cared and loved.

To U, you are also my first person, my only person and my last person. I can lose everything but not you.

I lost my heart when you got it over me.

Posted in primrose saddle

BRING ME BACK MY OLD SELF

I feel a hole inside my heart. I feel empty. I feel lonely. I feel betrayed by life. I feel alone. I feel something crushing my insides that my hands start to tremble.

 

I used to be a cheerful person. Well I can still smile right now, but I don’t even know if I’ll mean it. Whenever I’m around people I can be joyful. And normal. But whenever I’m left in my room, I automatically switch moods and be like this, a wretched little girl typing over her laptop with no one to share her sentiments with.

 

Have you stared blankly at a glass of water and without warning tears are already there on your cheeks? I did. I’m starting to think which closet with my skeletons is making me fall into pieces.

 

Is it my academic status? I got over my delayed graduation and I really love studying. I may have distress regarding that, but I think I’ve handled them already.

Is it my family? We are in a better place right now. I just miss them so much but I’m used to it.

Is it my heart? Despite the loneliness I feel, I am satisfied romantically. It’s not smooth sailing at all but I can live with it.

Is it about my friends in any way possible? Doubt it. Most of my friends are men, which I’m grateful about because I believe that is what I need. And I don’t have any problem about it.

 

FRIEND. That caught me. I think I don’t have anybody to really talk to. Sure I have friends whom I can talk to about anything but I don’t have someone to actually discuss things with.

 

Is Jesus talking to me? That He misses me and He wants me to come to Him? Oh my God, here comes another bunch of tears.  Is this a sign? My heart is crushing again. Is He the someone I’ve been yearning for?

 

I hope it’s easy. I hope the pain and sorrow I feel could just vanish. I hope things to be back the way it was. I hope I can be truly happy again.